13.SING WITH SHAKESPEARE-7
Marriage & Family
Family has been the foundation of organised life in all forms of civilised societies. There were variations in the details of the arrangement. Under Christian influence, families tended to become nuclear, as their injunction was:
Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." ... He who loves his wife loves himself.
For the Hindus, it was the other way. The young bride was welcomed into the family as the harbinger of fortune and happiness, wealth and welfare- Mahalakshmi. After a certain stage, it was the old father, now grandfather, who had to leave the family, and proceed to the forest! [ Vaanaprastam- retire from active social life] He could take his wife along, or leave her in the custody of his son.
Whatever the difference, marriage and family were sacred institutions. The roles of husband and wife were clearly defined.
Marriage and family have been terribly impacted by modernity. Marriage has become a civic formality, to be dissolved at convenience. It is treated as no more than a lifestyle choice. The roles are blurred.
The result is there for all to see: rising divorce rates,(40% to 50% in the US) children with single parents, unwed mothers,( In the US, in 1960, only nine percent of children lived in single parent families. Today four out of every ten children are born to an unwed mother.) teen age pregnancies, ( Over 1100 teenagers, mostly aged 18 or 19, give birth every day in the United States.) live-in arrangements, etc.
These are forces of social disruption but under the modernist dispensation, no one can raise a voice. Anyone daring to do so would be dubbed 'fascist', 'conservative', 'moral police' etc! This trend is fast catching up in India too.
Enforced vaanaprastam?
In old societies like India, the impact is terrible. The joint family has disappeared under the pressure of modernism. With the girls getting highly educated and employed, they are quite independent, financially and emotionally, by the time they marry, with their mindset firmed up. Family now means just the husband and wife.The married sons do not live with the parents,as it is not liked by the girls. The seniors are left to fend for themselves. In the absence of proper social security, this is a terrible situation to be in.The so called senior homes are pricey. Perhaps, this is a form of "vipareeta vaanaprastam"!
[ Vipareeta here means disorderly or abnormal.]
Marriage: rules of the game
All organised religions (except Islam) have rather strict rules on marriage, but they have lost their hold over society and state. The Bible says:
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
Matthew 19:6.
But courts are freely giving divorce. And it is said that over 60% of applications for divorce emanate from women in the US! It is estimated that about 40% of first marriages are likely to end up in divorce within 10 years!
Islam permits a man to have more than a wife, and is also liberal in granting annulment or "Talaq" in India. It is said that 80% of divorced women in India are Muslims, but figures are disputed. Over all, divorce rates are much lower among Muslims than among other groups in the West.
In such circumstances, no one talks of 'responsibility of husbands' or 'wives' duties' in marriage! [ In India, even orthodox circles have stopped talking of 'grihasta dharma' ie duties relating to householders or 'stree dharma' ie duties of women! Divorce rate among educated Hindus seems to be rising.
Divorce rates in Indian cities are increasing at an alarming rate. The number of divorce cases filed in Mumbai in 2014 was 1667 and Kolkata recorded an all-time high in divorce cases in 2014. There was a 350% increase in divorces in Kolkata from 2003 to 2014. Divorce rates in Indian states also mirror this growing trend. Lucknow is known for being a conservative city but still it recorded 2000 cases of divorce in 2014 alone. The demand for divorce increased so much in Bangalore that 3 more family courts had to be opened in short notice in 2013
From:www.rajeevaranjan.in Accessed 16 April 2017
It is therefore amusing to read in Shakespeare some verses about the duties expected of husband and wife!
Troilus and Cressida exchange vows to be faithful to each other in the presence of Cressida's uncle Pandarus.
TROILUS
O that I thought it could be in a woman--
As, if it can, I will presume in you--
To feed for aye her ramp and flames of love;
To keep her constancy in plight and youth,
Outliving beauty's outward, with a mind
That doth renew swifter than blood decays!
Or that persuasion could but thus convince me,
That my integrity and truth to you
Might be affronted with the match and weight
Of such a winnow'd purity in love;
How were I then uplifted! but, alas!
I am as true as truth's simplicity
And simpler than the infancy of truth.
CRESSIDA
In that I'll war with you.TROILUS
O virtuous fight,
When right with right wars who shall be most right!
True swains in love shall in the world to come
Approve their truths by Troilus: when their rhymes,
Full of protest, of oath and big compare,
Want similes, truth tired with iteration,
As true as steel, as plantage to the moon,
As sun to day, as turtle to her mate,
As iron to adamant, as earth to the centre,
Yet, after all comparisons of truth,
As truth's authentic author to be cited,
'As true as Troilus' shall crown up the verse,
And sanctify the numbers.
CRESSIDA
Prophet may you be!PANDARUS
If I be false, or swerve a hair from truth,
When time is old and hath forgot itself,
When waterdrops have worn the stones of Troy,
And blind oblivion swallow'd cities up,
And mighty states characterless are grated
To dusty nothing, yet let memory,
From false to false, among false maids in love,
Upbraid my falsehood! when they've said 'as false
As air, as water, wind, or sandy earth,
As fox to lamb, as wolf to heifer's calf,
Pard to the hind, or stepdame to her son,'
'Yea,' let them say, to stick the heart of falsehood,
'As false as Cressid.'
Go to, a bargain made: seal it, seal it; I'll be the
witness. Here I hold your hand, here my cousin's.
If ever you prove false one to another, since I have
taken such pains to bring you together, let all
pitiful goers-between be called to the world's end
after my name; call them all Pandars; let all
constant men be Troiluses, all false women Cressids,
and all brokers-between Pandars! say, amen.
What an exchange!
TAMING OF THE SHREW
In 'The Taming of the Shrew' we have a hilarious scene. Katherine was the shrewish wife of Petruccio. After she reforms, she is asked by Petruccio to instruct her sister and another woman about wifely duties!
Petruccio
Katherine, I charge thee tell these headstrong women
What duty they do owe their lords and husbands.
KATHERINE
Fie, fie! Unknit that threat'ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign, one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe,
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience—
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband.
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway
When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
In these days of women's lib and feminist interpretation of literature, such words are pure poison!
All marriages do not work:
Henry VIII
Though we have had the ideal of marriage, all marriages have not worked ideally! Marital discord is quite old. But no discord disrupted history as that between King Henry VIII of England and queen Katherine. The king sought annulment of the marriage which the Pope did not sanction. Henry VIII broke away from Rome and started his Anglican Church, which is the official Church of England still.
The queen did not take it lying down, though. She appeared in the court and appealed against the king's desire for divorce. Here is the statement she made in the court, kneeling before the king:
Sir, I desire you do me right and justice;Yea, subject to your countenance, glad or sorry
And to bestow your pity on me: for
I am a most poor woman, and a stranger,
Born out of your dominions; having here
No judge indifferent, nor no more assurance
Of equal friendship and proceeding. Alas, sir,
In what have I offended you? what cause
Hath my behavior given to your displeasure,
That thus you should proceed to put me off,
And take your good grace from me? Heaven witness,
I have been to you a true and humble wife,
At all times to your will conformable;
Ever in fear to kindle your dislike,
As I saw it inclined: when was the hour
I ever contradicted your desire,
Or made it not mine too? Or which of your friends
Have I not strove to love, although I knew
He were mine enemy? what friend of mine
That had to him derived your anger, did I
Continue in my liking? nay, gave notice
He was from thence discharged. Sir, call to mind
That I have been your wife, in this obedience,
Upward of twenty years, and have been blest
With many children by you: if, in the course
And process of this time, you can report,
And prove it too, against mine honour aught,
My bond to wedlock, or my love and duty,
Against your sacred person, in God's name,
The king, your father, was reputed forThe queen is a strong willed lady, and she releases some sparks:
A prince most prudent, of an excellent
And unmatch'd wit and judgment: Ferdinand,
My father, king of Spain, was reckon'd one
The wisest prince that there had reign'd by many
A year before: it is not to be question'd
That they had gather'd a wise council to them
Of every realm, that did debate this business,
Who deem'd our marriage lawful: wherefore I humbly
Beseech you, sir, to spare me, till I may
Be by my friends in Spain advised; whose counsel
I will implore: if not, i' the name of God,
Your pleasure be fulfill'd!
Sir,
I am about to weep; but, thinking that
We are a queen, or long have dream'd so, certain
The daughter of a king, my drops of tearsI'll turn to sparks of fire.
Addressing Cardinal Wolsey:
My lord, my lord,
I am a simple woman, much too weak
To oppose your cunning. You're meek and
humble-mouth'd;
You sign your place and calling, in full seeming,
With meekness and humility; but your heart
Is cramm'd with arrogancy, spleen, and pride.
You have, by fortune and his highness' favours,
Gone slightly o'er low steps and now are mounted
Where powers are your retainers, and your words,
Domestics to you, serve your will as't please
Yourself pronounce their office.
I must tell you,
You tender more your person's honour than
Your high profession spiritual: that again
I do refuse you for my judge; and here,
Before you all, appeal unto the pope,
To bring my whole cause 'fore his holiness,
And to be judged by him.
You tender more your person's honour than
Your high profession spiritual: that again
I do refuse you for my judge; and here,
Before you all, appeal unto the pope,
To bring my whole cause 'fore his holiness,
And to be judged by him.
In the end however, the marriage was annulled and the queen was also killed.So, it was not easy even for a queen!
[ The whole matter started because the queen did not deliver a male heir to the throne, and 7 years senior to the king, she was crossing child-bearing age! This preoccupation with a male issue and heir has been common among all ruling classes. Kshatriya kings were allowed to take many wives for this purpose.]
After all, we have our Rama, king of Ayodhya, who banished Sita, the queen! But it is still held up as an ideal marriage! Because the banishment was in his capacity as the king, bowing to public criticism, but he continued to be faithful to his wife; he did not marry another woman!
Marriage as an institution was enduring, though individual marriages suffered. But we do not judge anything by the bad specimen.Today, the whole institution of marriage is crumbling all over the world! In our preoccupation with petty little things, we are not paying attention to the long term implications of this trend for society as a whole.
Picture: wannemakers.com Thanks.
No comments:
Post a Comment