17.SING WITH SHAKESPEARE-11
Marriage under stress
Much as marriage is valued as an institution, it is also subject to much abuse. Especially in these days of relativism in everything, marriages do not endure under stress. Settlement of discord has slipped out of traditional authorities and modes. Legal approach only hardens postures of individual right and wrong, with meager chance of reconciliation. Even the presence of children does not seem to make much difference.
According to a report in the Daily Mail, it is women who seek divorce more! And the reason is not something serious like infidelity, but even household chores!
Women are more likely than men to seek a divorce because they get frustrated when men do not pull their weight.
Researchers have found that women ended their marriage more often because they get annoyed at having to do more of the housework and more of the childcare.
They asked for a divorce 69 per cent of the time as, inspired by feminist thinking, they became fed up with the lack of gender equality in their marriage.
Mail Online, 24 August, 2015.
Psychological angle
This shows how radically the concept of marriage and family has changed under modern ideas. It is conceded that economic down turn could lead to more divorces, especially if the man does not have a full time job.
Can gender equality reign everywhere?Psychologists advocate any number of theories. One study by psychologist Richard Hagen claimed that
. male aggressiveness and female coyness, among other standard concepts of sexual behavior, are fairly well locked into human genes as a result of evolution and are not easily altered through socialization
(The Bio Sexual Factor, Doubleday. 1979) See: people.com /archive. accessed 20 April 2017
Feminists will not accept the view.
In the Victorian and earlier eras, the mores were different. In Asia too, before the onslaught of Western influence, the ideas and practices were different. We live in a globalised environment, which means for all practical purposes, Westernised.
The Victorian age was noted for its hypocrisy, especially on the part of men. But we find it reflected even in the Elizabethan age. Shakespeare gives voice to it in a hilarious song in 'Much Ado About Nothing'.
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more.
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into hey nonny, nonny.
Sing no more ditties, sing no more
Of dumps so dull and heavy.
The fraud of men was ever so
Since summer first was leafy.
Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into hey, nonny, nonny.
This is sung in a light hearted vein, by a waiting man, who is also a singer. Here it is taken for granted that men will be unsteady, but women should not worry much about it but continue to be their merry selves, not resorting to sad songs.
Were man
But constant, he were perfect !
(The Two Gentlemen of Verona )
In the same play, we have Beatrice asking what is so special about man that a woman must submit to him!
Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a piece of valiant dust?
To make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl?(marl= mud)
But this was before she fell in love!
Othello
However, this is not always the thinking. In a more serious manner, Emilia in Othello tells Desdemona that women should not take it lying down if men wrong them !
But I do think it is their husbands' faults
If wives do fall: say that they slack their duties,
And pour our treasures into foreign laps,
Or else break out in peevish jealousies,
Throwing restraint upon us; or say they strike us,
Or scant our former having in despite;
Why, we have galls, and though we have some grace,
Yet have we some revenge. Let husbands know
Their wives have sense like them: they see and smell
And have their palates both for sweet and sour,
As husbands have. What is it that they do
When they change us for others? Is it sport?
I think it is: and doth affection breed it?
I think it doth: is't frailty that thus errs?
It is so too: and have not we affections,
Desires for sport, and frailty, as men have?
Then let them use us well: else let them know,
The ills we do, their ills instruct us so.
If a woman falls, it is because of the husband's misbehaviour. [ But before this Emilia informs an incredulous Desdemona that there are also women who cheat on their husbands.] Then wives should also teach a lesson to their husbands, that they too have courage and would take revenge, returning ill for ill! Desdemona is too innocent to accept this advice.
DESDEMONA
Good night, good night: heaven me such uses send,
Not to pick bad from bad, but by bad mend!
She would have none of it. She would not return bad for bad, but would answer bad deeds with good deeds!
World of men and women
This conforms to the old view where woman was naturally associated with kindness:
When a world of men
Could not prevail with all their oratory,
Yet hath a woman's kindness overruled.
(Henry VI, Part One)
The old ideal was that man and woman complement each other, and fulfill themselves in marriage and family life.
He is the half part of a blessed man,
Left to be finished by such as she,
And she a fair divided excellence,
Whose fullness of perfection lies in him.
(King John )
We see that such ideals have receded from public consciousness. Marital problems have always existed in all societies, but the way they were tackled have changed. As people now think of individual rights, and equality of sexes under all circumstances, and no one thinks of responsibilities, even small and temporary factors are exaggerated.Things are getting out of control. What can one say except that
Hanging and wiving goes by destiny !
(The Merchant of Venice)
This sentiment was expressed by our poet Rajinder Krishan in a hilarious song:
क़िसमत की बात है मालिक के हाथ है
क़िस्मत की बात मालिक के हाथ जीवन का साथ है
शादी! शादी! शादी!
सुनता है सबकी जग का वो दाता
शादी कराने में उस का क्या जाता
Kismat ki baat hai, maalik ke haath hai
Kismat ki baat, maalik ke haath,
jeevan ka saath hai Shaadi
Sunta hai sabki jag ka wo daata
Shaadi karane mein us ka kya jaata
Marriage- companionship for life!
A matter of destiny, showing the hand of God.
That Master of the world- He listens to everyone
What does He lose in getting people married !
It seems the fight for equality will only end in equal misery!
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